Chapter 9: I Was Duped

“Great job,” Samantha says. “We will now have a fifteen minute break, after which we’ll all meet up in the teleportation room.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Wolf and Bridget shout.

When I don’t say anything, Samantha raises her left eyebrow and addresses me. “Is there a problem, Sage?”

“No, ma’am,” I say. “It’s not a problem, exactly. Where is the teleportation room again?”

“You don’t know where the teleportation room is?

“No, ma’am. I don’t.”

“Wait, really?” Samantha asks, shock overriding her teaching personality for a moment. “Didn’t you go through it when you first got to the Guild?”

“No, why would I? I hiked up the mountain trail to get here.”

Everyone in the room stares at me in shock.

“You hiked up the trail?” Samantha asks.

“Yeah, isn’t that what everyone else does? The pamphlet said the hike was guaranteed to improve your health and cleanse your soul.”

“Where did you get that pamphlet?

“That trail has been closed for almost a decade now. The only people who still use it are Adventurers, and they only use it for training purposes. Everyone else uses the teleportation gate to get here.”

Ah. That explains why I found the pamphlet clutched in the bony fingers of a skeleton. It must have been super old.

“Didn’t you see the signs at the trail head?”

Now that I think about it, I did see a sign at the trail head that said, “Warning this trail is closed to the general public.” I just assumed Adventurers still used it.

The Adventurers who I consulted with before coming to the Guild, told me everyone used the trail to get up here. But looking back on it, they did seem to be holding back their laughter when they told me about it.

“I’ll make sure I get back at them,” I mumble.

“Did you say something?” Samantha asks.

“No,” ma’am.”

“Wolf, Bridget,” Samantha says. “Would you mind showing Sage where the teleportation room is?” I’d like to take off my armor before we start the final portion of the assessment.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bridget and Wolf chorus.

“Great, I’ll meet you three there. Don’t be late, otherwise each of you will have to do 50 push ups with a 150 kilogram Weight.”

The teleportation room is beautiful. The entire room is made out of white marble, and like the Guild’s restaurant, it’s lit by hundreds of Magic Stone lamps.

However, where the Guild’s restaurant was covered in gold leaf and plated mithril. This room is devoid of any decoration.

Instead, spaced out around the perimeter of this circular room are 25 mithril rings.

Each ring is set vertically, with one end embedded in the floor.

The center of each ring is large enough for two people to walk through side by side, even if they are decked out in full plate armor. And, the area within the ring shimmers with a transparent heat haze.

A circular mithril column, polished to a shine, sits in front of 24 of the 25 rings.

Carved into the top of each pillar is the trademark ‘M’ logo, marking each column as an MSPD.

On the front of each MSPD, underneath the logo, is a coin slot and a Guild Card reader, aka metal plate, with the words “5 Gold” printed in bold letters above them.

“Those are payment terminals,” Bridget says. “They’re used to activate the gates.”

“I see,” I say, even though I’d already reached that conclusion using my super sleuth skills. “How do you determine where each gate goes.”

“See those signs above each gate?” Bridget asks. “Those tell you the gate’s destination. Of course, if you can’t read you can always ask a Guild employee to for directions.”

Ah, of course. The signs.

I must have been too busy exercising my super sleuth skills to notice them.

“Haha, I knew that. I was just testing you.”

“You’re so funny,” Bridget says, giggling.

“Why doesn’t that gate cost money,” I ask, pointing at the only gate without an MSPD in front of it. The sign above the gate has the words, “Capitol City” written on it.

“That one’s free to use,” Bridget says. “It’s the gate people use to get to the Guild. If it wasn’t free, the majority of people wouldn’t be able to use it.”

Makes sense. Most people wouldn’t be able to afford the five gold toll, so if it wasn’t free the trail would still be in use.

“I’ll be back,” Wolf says. “Gonna run to the toilet before Samantha gets here.”

Bridget and I stand in the center of the room, lost in our own thoughts.

What is she thinking about? I have no idea. After all, I’m not a mind reader.

What am I thinking about? Now, that I can tell you.

Currently, I’m silently berating myself for not doing more research on the Guild before I came here. Well, that and listening to those Adventurers in the first place.

I knew teleportation gates existed, but assumed they were only for the rich.

I mean, there’s no way I could pay five gold to get to the Guild, I don’t even have five silver to my name. But because of my preconceived notions, I never questioned the information those Adventurers gave me.

Instead, I took everything they said at face value. All because what they said meshed with my world view.

Stupid, I know. But, I figured a sixteen mile hike would be nothing for an Adventurer. After all, Adventurers are supposed to be stronger than the rest of us.

Ah, well. Live and learn. I’m sure someday in the future I’ll look back on this situation and laugh.

Probably.

As I plot my revenge against the Adventurers who wronged me, a scent, which I can only describe as rotten fish, assaults my nose. A few seconds later, several adventurers swagger into the teleportation room.

I turn to see who it is, and come face to face with Crew Cut.

Ugh.

Today, Crew Cut is joined by seven other Adventurers, each one muscled to the max.

Crew Cut and his seven thugs. A princess movie in the making.

The instant he sees me, Crew Cut’s face turns beet red, tinged with purple.

“Well, well, well,” he says, stalking towards me. “If it isn’t the Shoelace Master.”

At the words, “Shoelace Master,” the rest of his thugs let out peels of what is probably supposed to be laughter. But, instead of sounding like laughter, it ends up sounding like a group of super villains came together to create a laugh track for a D-list comedy show.

“How’s it going?” I say, keeping my voice as friendly as possible.

Apparently, Crew Cut doesn’t like my tone of voice, because he snarls, “I don’t like your tone of voice,” and grabs me by the collar of my tunic.

The scent of rotten fish overwhelms me, and all of the wonderful breakfast I ate earlier in the day threatens to make a reappearance.

“What cologne are you wearing today,” I ask, breathing through my mouth.

“Low Tide on a Hot Summer’s day,” Crew Cut says, his hostility disappearing. “It cost me a lot of money, but it was totally worth it.”

“Wait,” Crew Cut snarls, pulling my face closer to his. “That’s not important.”

With our faces mere inches apart, the wonderful aroma of his morning breath combines with the dead fish fiesta, creating an overwhelming bouquet of scents.

My eyes roll back into my head, and my consciousness starts to fade.

“I don’t like you,” Crew Cut whispers.

Shivers run down my spine.

No, not the shivers people get from ASMR. These shivers are the kind you get right before you’re beaten to death.

“What did I ever do to you?” I ask, my voice dripping innocence.

“You made me waste an entire bottle of Dragon Dung.”

Wait, he used an entire bottle of that stuff on himself? Did he use the entire bottle of Low Tide on a Hot Summer’s Day as well?

No wonder he smells so bad. Like they always say, too much of a good thing is… Ah, what’s the quote again?

“I’m a forgiving kind of guy,” Crew Cut says, a vein pulsing on his forehead. “That kind of thing doesn’t usually bother me. But, I can’t forgive you from interrupting my proposal to Samantha. This time, if you hadn’t butted in, I’m sure she would have accepted.”

Wait, that was supposed to be a proposal? In what world does, “will you get dinner with me,” equal a proposal.

Also, while I have to give him credit for his optimistic attitude, I highly doubt Samantha would have accepted his invitation even if I hadn’t gotten in the way.

Of course, I don’t say any of this. After all, I don’t really feel like dying today.

But, Crew Cut doesn’t seem to care. In fact, it seems like he’s just getting started.

“Now listen to me, you little twerp,” Crew Cut shouts, flecks of spittle splattering my face. “Samantha belongs to me.”

I close my eyes and pretend I’m relaxing next to a waterfall.

I hear the water thundering over the falls. I feel the hot spray on my cheeks. I smell the aroma of thousands of dead fish piled up around me.

My fantasy shatters around me. Ugh. This situation is too disgusting.

“Don’t you dare ignore me,” Crew Cut shouts, the spray from the waterfall growing more intense. “She’s mine, you hear?

I bite back the “Samantha doesn’t belong to anyone” line, that was about to escape from my mouth, and manage a weak nod.

“Good,” Crew Cut says. “I’m glad you understand. Samantha needs a man who can protect her. Not a weakling like you.”

At his words, I very nearly laugh in his face.

The Samantha who’s disarming attack shattered Indestructite, needs someone to protect her? What kind of joke is that?

Somewhere off to the side, I here Bridget giggle.

“You’d better stay away from Samantha, if you know what’s good for you. Otherwise, I’ll kill you. Understand?”

I nod, hoping against hope that he’ll let go of me before I puke my guts out all over his face.

Suddenly, Samantha’s voice echos through the room.

“Who will you be killing?” she asks, her voice tinted with anger.

“Ah. Samantha,” Crew Cut says, looking over his shoulder. “I was just having a friendly chat with this Adventurer here.”

“Oh. I see. I guess I’m not up on the most recent slang. Is I’ll kill you, something people say during a friendly chat?”

“Um.” For the first time, Crew Cut seems to be at a loss for words.

“Before we go any further,” Samantha says, “let go of him.”

Crew Cut let’s go of the front of my shirt.

For a moment, I savor my new found freedom, then I crumple to the floor, dead.

The end.

Just kidding.

Don’t worry, I’m still alive. Barely.

However, after smelling that lethal concoction of smells, my legs don’t work and I think I’ve sustained permanent brain damage. Probably.

I can’t die yet. There’s still so much I haven’t accomplished.

I haven’t done a push up while carrying 300 kilograms on my back. I haven’t done a box jump while carrying 300 kilograms on my back. I haven’t done a pull up while carrying 300 kilograms on my back. I haven’t…

Actually, on second thought, maybe it would be fine if I died right now. At least I could get out of Samantha’s hellish training.

Someone sits down on the floor next to me.

I open my eyes to see who it is, and find Bridget staring down at me with a concerned look on her face.

“Are you okay?” she whispers.

I nod.

“That’s good,” she says, relief flooding across her face. “I was worried that you might have died from the smell.”

“Did you reconsider your answer to my request?” Crew Cut asks, his voice echoing through the room.

“Which request,” Samantha asks, her voice cold. “You’ve made plenty of them.”

“The one where I asked you to have dinner with me,” Crew Cut says.

“Ah, that one. No, my answer is still the same.

“Now, what were you doing to my student?”

“Your student? Who are you talking about?”

“The boy you were chatting with just now. He’s my student.”

“You’re taking on disciples?” Crew Cut asks. “Why didn’t you say something. Take me on as your disciple. I’d be much better than that thing over there.”

“No, I’m not taking on disciples. I’m in charge of the New Adventurer Bootcamp. You know, the one you turned down when you first registered as an Adventurer.

“Unlike you, Sage decided to take part in the class, which means he’s my student.

“Now, answer me. What were the two of you talking about?”

“I was just telling him not to cause trouble for you. That’s all.”

“By threatening to kill him? Isn’t that a little too extreme?

“While I appreciate that you’re looking out for me, I don’t need your help. I can take care of myself just fine, so I’d appreciate it if you’d leave my students alone.

“Also, while I did explain it when you first registered as an Adventurer. In case you weren’t listening, let me remind you that the Guild has an anti-harassment policy.

“If you violate it, I won’t hesitate to get you kicked out, so make sure you toe the line.

“Now, get out of here before you stink up the entire Guild. I don’t know what cologne you’re using, and I don’t care, but never wear that stuff here again. Am I being clear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Crew Cut shouts, then motioning to his crew he says, “C’mon guys, let’s get out of here.”

Crew Cut and his gang walk towards the “Capitol City” teleportation gate. When he reaches it, he throws a dirty look in my direction, then he steps through the gate and disappears.

Once they’re gone, Samantha asks Denise, who just entered the room with Wolf, to grab her metal fan.

When Denise returns, all of us take cover behind Samantha while she uses the fan to blow the foul stench out of the room.

“Alright, let’s get out of here,” Samantha says. “We still have one last portion of the assessment to complete.”